As a class we discussed Amy Chua's controversial article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior". We noted how Chua's parenting style emphasized a particular kind of success. I'd like you in the extra credit to comment on Chua's perception of success and if happiness has any role in this definition. Be sure to quote Chua when necessary. I would like you to also dig deply through the article's comment section for any particularly insightful/ridiculous ideas.
This should then lead you to consider, if someday you are a parent, how do you intend to raise a child? What do you want for your child? I think it behooves us to ask our parents these very questions as they surely had considered such questions in their lifetimes. Interview a parent and ask how to raise a child. How can a parent ensure that the child comes out the way that s/he wants? Were your grandparents successful in raising your parents? Let's see what you can find and how your research influences your future child.
Hey Mr. Ferencz, I was looking through your site when I found this article. It's pretty interesting. Ms. Chua makes my mother look like the Good Witch of the North.
ReplyDelete"If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen"
Amy Chua's perception of success is getting straight A's in school and doing exceedingly well, attending almost every academic activity (and being good at it), and becoming a music prodigy. This interpretation of success is not very accurate and does not allow a child's individual satisfaction of their activity to play an active role. I believe that Amy is taking the definition of success and stretching it way beyond it's actual meaning. She expects her children to have natural talent in sports, music, and art while getting a perfect score in every subject at school. If her children were not good at a certain thing, she forces them to practice the skill over and over, until they master it; Chua says that "nothing is fun until you're good at it...to get good at anything, you must work....that why it is crucial to override their preferences" (Chua). However, her constant desire for her children to be whizzes or prodigies often leads her to force her children to what she wants them to be, rather then her children acquiring a skill or talent willingly and optimistically. She believes that the constant practice will "make the once not-fun activity fun....which in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more" (Chua). Thus, she wants to child to be a hard worker and make them like the hard work so that they can work even more. If I were a parent, I would never use her method of raising children. I would regard her strategy as bizarre. I would want my child to have success, but more importantly, happiness. If they are doing something they are not enjoying, they do not have to continue to force themselves to constantly do it. However, at the same time, I would not want to be an extremely lenient parent who disregards their child's decisions and leaves their life to be decided by themselves. If they did poorly on a test, I would try to help them do better on the next one. I would never force my children to become a prodigy if they were not naturally born as one. My parents are not very strict, but they are when it comes to the right time to be strict. They are reasonable of their expectations of me. They do not ask for a lot, but as they do so, I find that I want to become more than what they expect me to become. I agree to a comment on the article when one man said that "it has to do with the character of the child" (Kaung Chang). I completely agree with this. Ultimately, it is not the parent who shapes the child, but it is the child him/herself who does so. If their parent choses to be lenient, it is okay, as long as the child is self motivated to surpass their expectations and do well. Self character plays a huge role in the matter of success.
ReplyDeleteChua defines success as academic success, musical mastery, and to never "attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama, play any instrument other than the piano or violin, not play the piano or violin" (Chua). These harsh standards cannot always lead to productive results. For example, if the child never becomes involved in anything because s/he was not allowed to pursue his/her passions. This definition of success is very straight forward, as if there is only one way in which one can be successful. Chua believes that this interpretation of success also leads to happiness, but that is not her biggest concern for her children. She thinks that "nothing is fun unless you're good at it". If you work hard and become "good at it", according to Chua, your success could lead to your happiness. However, I do not agree that once you become good at something, it is fun (personal experience) and something could also be fun (and make you happy) even if you are not the best at it.
ReplyDeleteIf/when I am a parent, I will definitely not go easy on my child, but I will try not to be too tough. I think that children need encouragement, but pushing beyond their limits is a problem. For this reason, good parents must know their children's limits. No one wants to be a parent who pushes too much and makes their child depressed. Instead, if/when I am a parent, I will not not push very much as they start school. However, as they grow older and I find their limits, I will start to push (maybe sometimes above the limit) and express my expectations. I would put my child's happiness above all else and let them decide their extracurricular activities (after I've forced them to try new things and have gotten a sense of what they like and what they are good at). If, for example, I see that my son enjoys gymnastics, and clearly shows natural talent, and does not want to continue because his peers judge him for it ('ohh, I thought gymnastics was only a girl sport' type of thing). In this case I might push him a little harder to get past his sexist peers. As a girl, my mom was discouraged from playing sports because of her gender. She has now run six marathons (and is now preparing for the competitive Boston marathon) and countless smaller races. I get the impression that my mom did not like her parents' parenting style, because most of her childhood stories are of fights with her mom, or her silent but deadly, father. I love my grandparents, but I'm not sure their parenting style was the best. However, my grandma always says "but you turned out pretty good, didn't you?" and it's true. On the other hand, I think the best way to ensure your children turn out "right" would be a childhood with many happy memories, few fights, and the feeling that you pushed yourself (or your parent's pushed you), had moments of hardship, and be satisfied with your acomplishments.
Amy Chua believes that in order to succeed, you must be the best at what you are doing. Similar to many people, she believes that if you are successful, then you are happy. She states that, "nothing is fun until you're good at it," (Chua). However, there are plenty of people who disagree. Many people believe that you are successful if you are happy, and that you can have fun even when you are not the best at what you are doing. Chua also had very controversial methods of helping her child achieve success. She never let her children participate in plays, or choose their own extracurricular activities. She was strict with her children and didn't give them much freedom and power. After reading through the comments, I see that although some people do agree with Chua's way of parenting, many more people believe that the "western" way of parenting was better, or that a middle ground was the best. There was even one parent who said that it really depended on the child, and what they are like as an individual.
ReplyDeleteJust like Claire and the other commenter, I also believe that when I am a parent, I will not parent the way Amy Chua does. I will want to push my child to be the best that he/she can be, but I will also let my child do what he/she wants to do. I will not set limits to which extracurricular activities he/she can and cannot participate in. However, when my child does not do as well as I believe he/she can do, I will not just let it slide. If it is a continuous downfall, then I will try to stop it by getting a tutor. My parents' parenting style is somewhere inbetween the two methods. They always believe/expect I can do better, but they do not limit my choices in activities. While they did make me learn how to play the piano, they also let me participate in a variety of sports teams over the years.
An insight on agreeing with Amy Chua…
ReplyDeleteChua’s interpretation of success is one of a stereotypical Asian parent. Chua’s definition of success is an academic perfection in all subjects except gym and drama, mastery in playing the piano or violin and excelling in extracurricular activities. She believes that “nothing is fun until you’re good at it.” (Chua) This is a very true statement. When someone decides to join a club it is because they are good at what they are signing up for or they are willing to learn and invest their time in it. These decisions are all made thanks to parents. Have you ever heard a five year old kid tell their parent “I want to learn to swim”, I have not. In reality it is not the kid who first fostered the love of a sport, but the parents who enrolled them in the sport. The final outcome when someone becomes great at something is when “he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction.” (Chua) This is when someone learns the trait of hard work and begins to see practicing for something as fun. Parents are training their kids for what they will experience later on in their lives. If parents introduce their child to many different subjects and ideas, later in their lives when college comes around they will know what they enjoy doing. People argue that a happy childhood is important. In a childhood, there are bound to be ups and downs no matter how hard the parent tries to prevent them, so most childhoods would not only be filled with happiness. Happiness is reserved for when someone realizes their full potential and excels in what he/she does in life.
If I become a parent I intend to raise my kids in this way with a few minor modifications. I would want my child to be educationally talented and gifted, while also having a circle of friends and a budding social life. I believe that I should be strict and at the same time compassionate and showing these traits consistently. I believe that consistence is a key in parenting so that your child understands how firm you are, but at the same time understands that they can always come to you for anything they need whether it is advice or just a hug. I want my child to grow up and be the best they can be and if not better. I believe that my parents were raised and are raising me well. A parent can never tell whether their child is going to turn out right and the way they want them to. All parents know is that they should prepare them for the future and equip them with the tools necessary. I may question my parents’ restrictions such as no social media, but I have come to understand that without this distraction I am able to focus more on my work and move on. My grandparents have also done a great job in raising my parents. They were able to instill qualities that are important in life and most importantly ways to raise a child. Now my parents are passing these traits on to me and passing on parenting skills through the ways they teach me. Thus, I believe that I am a typical Asian after all and believe that the hard way of parenting is the best.
I hope it isn't too late to post this.
ReplyDeleteAmy Chua believes that with success comes happiness, but she doesn’t believe that happiness breeds success. Amy Chua, the mother of Lulu and Sophia, doesn’t let her kids have play dates, watch TV, or get a grade less than an “A.” She does this because she feels that without all the extracurricular activities, her kids have a better chance of being successful. She forces her kids to play either the piano or violin, but only for their benefit. Her daughter, Lulu, once gave up on the piano. Chua threatened her with taking away Lulu’s dollhouse, presents, meals, and birthday parties. This motivated Lulu to work exceptionally hard to conquer the piece and she did. Chua believes that if, “children did not excel at school then there was a problem and parents were not doing her job.” If I child doesn’t succeed, it shouldn’t be the parents fault. The parent did nothing wrong, if anything, the child had forgotten what they had learned over hours of practice problems with their “tiger mom.” Chua does not seem to care if her children are happy while they are working so hard. It seems as if all that matters is the end result.
According to Chua, Chinese parents believe, “nothing is fun until you are good at it.” I agree yet I disagree with this statement. Struggling at math or physics is never fun, and once you begin to understand the troublesome concepts, it begins to get fun. However, sports can be fun, even if you aren’t very good. In sports, as long as you try, it is always fun. Chinese parents feel that you can’t be happy without success, and push their children to excessive practicing.
When I am someday a parent, I believe that I will not implement any eastern parenting styles into my life. I believe that “tiger moms” allow no freedom and put all of the power into themselves. A good parent needs to show appreciation and love towards their kids. They need to accept that their kid might not be top of the class or number one in their piano school. Eastern parents believe that if their child is not the best of the best, something is wrong with themselves. I would like my child to be successful. To me, that means they are well-educated, they get a job that they are interested in, and they are happy. Success does come with happiness, but happiness also comes with success. A parent can get their kid on the right track, by helping them with tough concepts. My parents used to help me study for most of my tests, and I would teach them new ideas in return. A parent can also push their child to keep going. Do that extra math problem, read another chapter in the book, write 5 more sentences out in Spanish, are all things we can say to our children to push them a little more. Encouragement also works really well. If I were a parent, I would encourage my kid to join a team or club at their school. I think my grandparents did a good job raising my parents. Both my mom and dad went to an Ivy League School, got well-paying jobs, and raised soon-to-be successful children. My grandparents definitely had an influence on my parents’ parenting methods. Hopefully, my parents will influence me to be a good parent too. Kids can learn a lot from what their parents do.